I rode my bike last week and had plans to begin training but we have a large amount of snow and I'm not so interested in riding on streets with frozen snow covering the shoulders. So, here I sit, in my head again, planning how to get my body and mind ready for my summer adventures.
As I consider the challenges I may face, I find myself taking deep breaths and replacing the worries with how amazing it will feel to journey across the country.
The planner in me wants to revisit the details, but I am keeping myself in check, reminding myself that I can't really know how any of it will look, regardless of how many blogs and Instagram feeds I follow. I just don't know. Everything is up in the air, as there are so many variables- the weather, my physical strength, my emotional health, whether the ride brings me mostly joy or mostly stress?
And while I'm really open to not knowing, I'm also trying to steer my expectations that I will be successful and safe and healthy. I will balance my longing for my family and friends with the feelings of accomplishment and adventure along my ride. I will have moments where I just don't think I can go on but I will persevere and make the decisions that I need in the moment.
In many ways, I'm looking at my adventure with the same eyes I use when I'm supporting a laboring woman. I will be kind to myself, supportive and understanding during the times when it is so hard, so difficult. I will allow myself to be joyful and ecstatic during the times where I've met a goal or reached a milestone. I will not confuse the two very different feelings as signs of whether I should stop and return home or continue on; instead I will take each moment, each day at a time and look to my support team for the encouragement and reassurance I will need.